Chrissie Ep 34 (Sheletta)
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[00:00:00]
Sheletta: Being together in a room full of people who look like you, who have your lived experiences, who wanna see you succeed, did something for us. And we left lifted up, feeling like again, we could take on the world feeling like again, our joy was restored.
Chrissie: joy can merge with sorrow. Joy can contain sorrow because when there is a groundedness and, connectedness to meaning, alignment with values and our own understood personal mission, then there can be joy even while the tears are flowing.
Sheletta: Joy is a muscle that you have to exercise. And joy means sometimes you gotta let some stuff go. Joy means sometimes you gotta be accountable. Joy means sometimes you got to lose to win.
Chrissie: you're listening to Solving for Joy. I'm your host, Dr. Chrissie Ott. [00:01:00]
Hello, my friends. Welcome to today's episode of the Solving for Joy podcast. I have the amazing privilege of introducing you to my friend Sheletta, who I have known since approximately 1985 when we attended Fleming Middle School together. And I'm gonna tell you just a second about Sheletta. She is a one woman powerhouse. She is a maker and witness of miracles. She is hilarious. She is a busy extrovert. She is an entrepreneur. She is an Emmy award-winning podcast and radio personality. She is an activist of Joy. She is an action taker. She is an author. She is a mom of the very famous four Brundidge babies and an autism activist. Uh, I am just so delighted to introduce you. This is not [00:02:00] even a slice of the pie that Sheletta offers. She is an mc. Y'all, if you want to turn it out, you know where to find her. All the way out. All the way out. Sheletta makes me laugh.com. You can find all the things there and just welcome. Thanks for being here with me.
Sheletta: Well, you, you need to make sure you say more than anything that we are friends. We are friends. We go way back, way back girl, to, to the 19 hundreds. Like my kids say the olden days back in the, my kids say, my kids say back in the 19 hundreds. What the hell? Back in the 19 hundreds, girl, I sound like I sound like ancient Egypt girl. When I say so mom, when you met dad back in the 19 hundreds, huh? Boy, shut up. No, it sounds like it is. That was still wagons. Like we didn't have cars or internet or anything.
Chrissie: Yeah, no, I had, I had Sheletta sitting behind me in language arts class with Gary Powell. Yes. Rest his soul. We had some [00:03:00] good times. We danced together. We had, we did, we had memories in that, uh, interesting place. We called school.
Sheletta: Yeah. And you know, it's so important. Um, you know, I tell my children all the time, junior High may be the place that you make your forever friends. Mm-hmm. You know, this sixth grade, this seventh grade, this eighth grade time, uh, girl, we don't even know yearbooks because we see each other. Um, we love each other. We support each other. Um, we call out for each other. We call to, we pray for one another. And so, you know, I, I'm very conscious of the friends that my kids are making in middle school, because you know, you and Ursula and Fanshaw and so many other people, you know, we are forever friends and love is there.
You know, we leaned on each other, we advised each other. And so I need this circle to be good and tight and righteous. Like my circle was like we were all trying to do right. We were all trying to be our best. Mm-hmm. We were all trying to find our way. You know, nobody was really out there doing anything crazy, you know, we did crazy middle school [00:04:00] stuff, but you know, nobody's doing anything really crazy. And you know, more than anything we encouraged each other, like, you can do it, be the best, um, support one another, lean on one another. I, I need my kids to have that middle school friend, like, you know, Chrissie I, who's going be there for them when they are 53 years old. You know?
Chrissie: I feel like it is such a privilege and it's such a, um, it's an unusual privilege to be in contact, in connection with love with people from that era that long ago. I mean, really, and I, I'm not gonna say a lot of good things about products of Mark Zuckerberg, but I am gonna say that has made it possible to stay in this. Yeah. Um, you know, it has promoted a continuity of connection for Yeah. So many of us who, um, might not have found our way to connection No in adulthood. So, you know. Yeah. It. I'm so glad [00:05:00] that we are connected and that I get to witness Yes, the the beautiful acts that you are a part of in this world.
Sheletta: Well, you too, girl. I mean, turn the mirror around. I mean, you have, um, just soared and you were always a star. And just to see how that translates from, you know, the talent that you had in your extracurricular activities that you have in your professional life. And one thing that I tell my kids is that, um, greatness doesn't start when you get to where you're going. It doesn't start at 32, it starts at 12.
And so you were great in dance. You took your time, you went to the extra practices. You know you were in extra classes, you asked for extra help girl, and you were great. When you got out on that stage, you were amazing. And so amazing doesn't start when you get your doctorate degree. Amazing doesn't start when you get your PhD. Amazing doesn't start when you graduate from medical school. Amazing starts at 12 years old. In the dance class at a hood [00:06:00] elementary school, at a hood middle school in the middle of the hood, you know, on a bus line with a bunch of broke kids whose parents are on food stamps and welfare and whose, you know, mom is 16 years old and you know, 16 years older than them and they still living with they grandmama and they can't see their way out of poverty. Yeah. Like you can't see your way out of a layaway. Like, like the first time I went to goes to the store and bought the stuff right away, it seemed foreign. Right. Mm-hmm. Because we had never just bought Christmas toys and brought 'em home. They were always laid away. Mm-hmm.
And, and so to go from that hood school to where you are now, that your greatness didn't start, then it, it started all the way back then. So, so I try to, and, and I think as parents, we have to, um, impress upon our children that greatness is, is, is, um, not something that happens when you become an adult and get to where you're going. It starts, um, when you wake up in the morning at 12 years old.
Chrissie: That is such an incredible message. And you know, I think it's, [00:07:00] it's, it's one of the interesting, um, not just interesting, like highly important aspects of where we met and the context in which we met because, this is Houston. Um, you know, this is in huge Houston. Enormous Houston. I am getting, you know, driven into the school because it's a middle school magnet, fine arts academy. Right. Most of the kids in that context we're going to that school because they lived in that struggling neighborhood. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It was, you know, like white kids were an extreme minority in that school. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, you know, being a middle class kid coming to a school that was, um, primarily black and primarily poverty, and
Sheletta: everybody was below the poverty line, everybody was on government assistance.
Chrissie: You know, the school that I went to before that was a little Lutheran private school in in Pasadena [00:08:00] and my parents struggled to make that happen, was important to them. Mm-hmm. But the culture shock of being, you know, I can't imagine little white, you know, sheltered kid from a suburb who they had been like, you know, like tending like a little garden plant and then like threw me out to Fleming Middle School. I, I resisted at the time, but you know what? I have never been more grateful for a choice that my parents made.
Sheletta: Okay. You have to tell me, did you feel welcome? Do we make you feel welcome? I know that for us, whenever we saw white kids, we were like, let's go over there and love on 'em before they get beat up.
Chrissie: Oh my goodness.
Sheletta: Let make them a part of the team before somebody turns on them.
Chrissie: You're so sweet. Yes. I felt welcomed by you and by our dance crew and by a lot of very beautiful people. And also, there were people who gave me like you know, ballistic side eye. That was, [00:09:00] that was part of it. Like, of course that was part of it. That is what you have when you have people not getting their needs met. Um mm-hmm. I only got hit once.
Sheletta: That's it. I only got hit once. Okay. Who hit you? Because was it the school bully? Was it fro? Who was it who hit you? No. You better tell the story.
Chrissie: All right. So picture of scrawny little ballerina bun head, Chrissie maam. In seventh grade, I remember that lady. I remember that young lady. Yes. Big hair. So much hair. Big giant baby.
Sheletta: You, the hole in the ozone layer is still there with your name on it, but all that damn aquanet. Okay,
come on girl.
Chrissie: Okay, so there was a boy who was probably, he probably was like ninth grade age, but he was, he was like ninth grade size. He was a big kid. He was a big dude. He was a young, he was like an adult size. Dude, but like very mature. 'cause we're in junior high schools. Yeah. And he's pushing his friends into my friends in the quad repeatedly. [00:10:00] And so I gave him a little piece of my mind. I said, you better not do that again, or I'm gonna slap your face. So I'm the one who invoked violence first, y'all. I mean, I'm not proud of it. It is what happened. I felt that I needed to have a boundary. So here's my first lesson in boundary, right? I'm trying to have a boundary. This person is having obnoxious kinds of fun and mine, my friend's expense, and I was like, mm-hmm. No more. We already asked you right? Multiple times not to do that. And so then he did it one more time. 'cause of course you're gonna test the boundary, right? Right.
Sheletta: Of course you're going to, you're an obnoxious boy who's this little girl. She can't tell me what to do. I'm a grade middle school boy. Of course, girl his mama can't even tell him what to do. He's a ninth grade middle school boy.
Chrissie: So then he runs off and hides behind one of those giant, like three foot pillars in the quad.
Sheletta: Oh yes. Those big concrete pillars. Right, right, right. Yep. So you ran after him.
Chrissie: So I ran after him and I gave him this little slap on the face. Oh, I did. I did. I did it.
Sheletta: Are you alive? Are we talking about you [00:11:00] posthumously right now?
Chrissie: I'm not proud. I, but my slap on the face was like, I'm giving you this little, a little baby. Slap, slap. It is a little tap, tap, tap. Little anemic. Uh, you know. 80, 80 pound girl tap on the face. Okay. Right, right. He comes back at me like, it took him a second to like, clock what happened?
Sheletta: He was I know her ass did not just slap me. Im about to lay her ass out.
Chrissie: This bitch just slapped me in front of my friends. I don't care that she's a girl. I don't care that she's this bony little white girl. Like I gotta punch her now like I have to that 'cause everybody's looking. Everybody's looking. So he comes back over to where we're standing. Oh. And he starts bouncing. And I'm like, what's happening? Oh shit.
Sheletta: We dancing. Oh, he, You dunno about to see Jesus. You think you having a dance battle? You start putting your routine together.
Chrissie: He was winding up to deliver that one [00:12:00] punch, and he got me good. He, you know, he sucker punched me. That is the definition, and I think it's the only time in my life that I've actually been punched on purpose. So my head snaps back, my nose starts bleeding. And my lip swells up and I'm just like, what happened? I could not accept the reality I was that you had just got your ass sucker punched. I mean, it wasn't even like he could have been so much worse. He punched me one time, the bell rang. I'm standing there in shock. Everybody scatters
Sheletta: because nobody wants to be around. Nobody wants to be a witness. 'cause at that point, all we're trying to do is stay out trouble. Right. That's back when parents held kids accountable. So I don't wanna be in trouble because Chrissie I just got punched in the nose. This little a plus girl student who is like a plus ballerina, nerdy aquanet, okay, so girl, wait, so what happened after that? because we used to not like, no, go [00:13:00] run, tell We would just like fix everybody up and then just go to class. So what, what happened after that?
Chrissie: Yeah, I didn't really know that. So what happened was that like Mr. Stewart got involved. Do you remember our, um, yes, I do. Yeah. I mean this is where actual, this is, this is actually where it gets serious to me. So, um double standards come to play here. Mm-hmm. Because I want to take constantly, like, I slapped this boy first. He punched me second. It was maybe not an exactly, uh, you know, same size retribution here. Mm-hmm. But you know, we were in this together. And because he was big, because he was a boy, because he was a black boy, he got the book thrown at him.
Sheletta: Oh, I know. He did.
Chrissie: And I'm not even sure. Yeah. Like I remember vaguely like, oh, it might've come to pass that he was not even supposed to be zoned at that school. It may have come to pass that he got a disproportionate punishment. I don't know the details. I wish I could find him. [00:14:00] Right. Because I don't remember what happened after that. All I remember is that I had a performance that night and I still have pictures of my fat lip.
Sheletta: Oh girl. And you know, that's the one thing that I try to tell my boys. 'cause you know, I, we, we, I'm still fighting my grandmother's fight. You know? Mm-hmm. We're still living in a time where young black boys are going to get the worst punishment. So I tell my son, listen, I know you're at St. Cloud State University and all your friends are white, but if y'all go out there and do something crazy. You gonna get the worst punishment, you are gonna be the one that gets it.
Whatever it is, your ass is gonna get it. So make sure you keep yourself clean. Make sure you discipline yourself. Make sure you have self-control. If you walk in the room and you see some stuff and people are doing some stuff they're not supposed to be doing, walk out of the room because black and brown boys are always gonna get the most punishment.
Like I, you know, uh, two of my boys have autism, right? So I work really hard with the police department, uh, in our area to try [00:15:00] to just educate them about autism. Um, you know, I, I need them to know that yes, they're little black boys. Yes, they have, um, a, a special need and yes, they're gonna have some, you know, impulse control and so I need you to give them some grace. And that's the one thing that, um, you know, little black boys and black men, period don't get no grace.
And so, uh, as a, an ex-wife, when I did have a husband, um, he got a lot of grace. I. Like, we probably should have been divorced 10 years ago. Mm-hmm. Right? But we only got divorced three years ago. Why? Because I wanted to make sure to give him some grace because as he walks out of this house as a black man in America, I don't know what he's dealing with. I don't know what issues he's facing, what challenges that come his way. So when he walks in this house, I need to be, they call it a safe space right now, this, that they got a name for it. But I just needed this house to be, um, a happy home.
Gladys Knight used to have a song called Make Yours a Happy Home, because as a man, you just don't know [00:16:00] what they're dealing with. And so that's why, you know, a, a lot of young girls who are getting married now in, in the black community, you know, when they hear elders talk about fixing their husband a plate and bringing it to 'em, or drawing his bath water or getting his shoes off, or not allowing the kids to, you know get on his nerves, right as soon as he gets home, they're like, what? Oh my God, I'm not doing all this old school. Girl listen, your husband about to take everybody out. You don't even know what he dealt with today.
So when he come home, make it a safe, happy space so that he feels like if I could just get home. Not the bar, not some other woman's house. Not, you know, the, the crack house, not, not the drug dealer's house. Not sitting out in the, in the car, you know, down the block looking and waiting for y'all to turn the lights off so he can come home and have some peace, but make it a, make it a happy home, you know?
Chrissie: Yeah. You're, you're saying the caretaking in context. Mm-hmm. [00:17:00] Not caretaking out of a like unexamined pattern of subjugation. Right. But you're taking outta awareness, which is, you know, you said this one time, I think, you know, when we talk about woke stuff. It is about awakening to the experiences of other people. And you are awakening to the experience of a black man in, in these words that you're saying, which is not mm-hmm. Um, as I understand it, again, like a, a thoughtless, subjugation of mm-hmm. You know, this privilege over that privilege. This is just about, I care what you've been through and I actually know that I don't know.
Sheletta: I don't know. And so all I can do is just make sure that you happy and you safe, and your children respect you, and we love you and we support you. And so that's why you find a lot of times, especially, um, in our community, if um, you know, a black woman is getting support from a government entity and they say, well, you know, if you wanna continue getting this support, you gotta tell us who your baby daddy is because we're gonna put him on child support and, [00:18:00] and if he doesn't pay, we're gonna lock him up. And, and those women will say, you know what? Don't worry about it. I do Uber Eats, DoorDash, shipped, uh, uh, Instacart. I do whatever I gotta do to provide for my family because I'm not going to allow you to incarcerate a black man over his lack of payment because that is not just a lack of payment, but that's a lack of opportunity. Um, you know, uh, under employment, just so many things in this country that, um push black men down,
Chrissie: criminalizing poverty.
Sheletta: Yes, yes, yes. But at the same time though, I think where the, uh, frustration and the challenge comes in at is at what cost to the black woman. Yeah. It's not black and white. You know what I mean? Like, so how long do I support him and, and not feel supported? How long do I give Grace and not get grace extended? How long do I carry this family on my back before I say, you know what? That's enough. Let's just go ahead and, and get divorced. How, how long do I hide from your family and friends that you [00:19:00] know, you haven't been supporting us financially and we haven't seen you?
So there is the challenge. You know what I mean? And, and I'm talking to you like, you told me a secret. Like this is something that we don't talk about in front of white people. Like this is a, uh, a, a private black people conversation. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, we don't say this in public because we don't want the judgment of white America, like we got enough marks and labels and shit on our back. They talking about taking legal citizens to a Venezuelan prison if they commit crimes. So the last thing we going to do, if I got a choice. To make another black man a statistic, put him in the criminal system and then have him shipped off to Venezuela. 'cause no, they trying something new and think it might be cute. Nah, nah, not today. No, not today, right? Not today.
Chrissie: I have a teacher who often reminds us that our choice is often something, something truly [00:20:00] terrible or something even more terrible. Girl,
Sheletta: girl, shut up. Shut up. That's where we at right now. That's where we leave. That's where we're at. This is our, this is our wheelhouse. Yeah. From terrible to truly terrible. That's, that's where we at, girl. It's our address right now. That's our address. That's, that's our address.
And that's why, um, I've like really cocooned myself, like I have not watched the news since November the fifth. I have deleted all my social media profiles. I have a newsletter that I do daily that I push out to my followers and subscribers. I do my podcast,
Chrissie: which I recommend, by the way.
Sheletta: Thank you. She letta makes me laugh.com. You could go sign up. Thank you for signing up, girl. Mm-hmm. And um, and I take care of my kids. I keep my house clean. I go to Costco and I come over home. So if there's something going on, girl, I don't know about it. I told somebody the other day, if slavery comes back, y'all let me know. Because I'm not watching the news, I would not know that I'm supposed to report to the plantation and pick this cotton. Okay. I would have [00:21:00] no idea because I do not watch the news. I'm not on social, you know?
And, and I think for us to protect our peace, we have to determine how much we going to take, because there's nothing we can do except pray. Because us rallying and the marches and stuff, it's not gonna solve it. They don't, they don't care. They do not care. They're doing all these pitiful stories. Oh, this, this, this young man who was detained by ice. He was getting ready to give his brother his kidney so he could live. They don't care. This little girl with a brain tumor was deported to Mexico. They don't care. A dad who's not a gang member was accidentally deported and now his family today don't care. Y'all can stop wasting y'all time. Y'all might as well do stories about the cat fashion show downtown at the convention center because they don't care. They don't.
Chrissie: It is a disheartening time. It is a disillusioning time. Literally [00:22:00] disillusioning. All the illusions are over. It's, it's time for the illusions to drop,
Sheletta: girl it is the twilight zone. See, these young people don't know nothing about the Twilight Zone. We grew up on the Twilight Zone. Do do Twilight Zone, and it was just the craziest stuff happening in these shows and you thought, man, nothing like that will ever happen. Girl, we. We are, we are living in the twilight zone.
Chrissie: Yeah. But it's not a 30 minute episode that's gonna end in a minute,
Sheletta: baby. It is 30 minutes, times, however long it is to do. Four years, so well, there you go.
Chrissie: Well, I appreciate you sharing the complexity of, um, of those aspects of your, your private and um, and personal experience.
Sheletta: Yeah. And you know, we just gotta share. We gotta share, because when you say Black Lives Matter, I need you to understand what that means. That's not BLM, that's not a black life. That's my life. So when you care about me and you say Black Lives Matter, you might as well say Sheletta's life [00:23:00] Matters, or Sheletta's kids Life Matter.
Chrissie: It does matter.
Sheletta: That's right. Right, right. So put a person's name on that. Put a, put a person's name on that. And guess what? If you don't have a person's name to put there, then you need to make you a black friend. 'cause, 'cause, 'cause you, if you can't, if you can't put somebody's name there,
Chrissie: you need to find a list and put yourself on it because it's time. Mm-hmm. Hey, I wanna talk about Black joy. I want, I want to, I want to bring it forward. Oh my God. And lift it up. Um, the name of this podcast is Solving for Joy. It's not solving for white joy. It's not solving for Dr. Joy. It is solving for joy. And I just think, oh man, we, we talk a lot about suffering and injustice, and it is all yes, true, because they are impediments to joy. Um mm-hmm. But let's, let's sing up some black joy.
Sheletta: Okay, so here's the thing. So my newsletter was born because I was trying to find a place to help people get their happy back. Right? Um, [00:24:00] after Kamala Harris lost the election, um, hundreds of black women here in Minnesota were just devastated. They were like, we thought we were about to see in our lifetime the first African American woman. Yes. The way we walk and talk. Yes. How empowered we would be, how, how engaged we would be, how strong we were feel to have a black woman sitting in the Oval office, that would mean the ultimate glass ceiling was broken and they were ready for that. Like, like, can you imagine? It's like getting your body reg ready for pregnancy and then you have a miscarriage. Right. Or your baby is stillborn. You have to deal with, sit with that, all of that excitement and now nothing. Now you go home with no baby. Now you go home to a house full of baby clothes and shoes and a whole nursery all set up and your mama got a flight to come help you the first week after the baby's born and, and your husband and took off from work and, and, and now you have nothing, right? Except, um, devastation.
And so black women were looking at me, they were like, you gotta do something. What the hell? [00:25:00] I'm not kept to save a whole. What y'all mean? You gotta do something Sheletta. And so I'm, I am just so connected to the Lord. I pray every day. I love Jesus. And so I'm praying, I'm like, Lord, these women are calling me. This is Wednesday at three 30, okay? After the election. Election was Tuesday, Wednesday at three 30. I was like the Lord, what do you want me to do? Because these women are calling me. And he said, I want you to have a brunch for black women. And I was like, what? He was like, help them get their joy back, restore their happy, get it together.
I said, okay. So I called the country club, the whitest country club in town. I was like, I want three hours. I want the best danishes. I want a bartender. I got a dj and we had a brunch for black women. How to help 'em get their joy in their happy back. And girl, when I tell you those women pour into there.
And they came in so sad and so crying, and so just despondent and dejected. And girl, when they left out, they were dancing and they were happy. We were decorating [00:26:00] cupcakes, we were making body scrub, we were dancing. We had a soul train line. We were drinking. We were eating up all the food. And here's the most important thing.
We were together. Being together in a room full of people who look like you, who have your lived experiences, who wanna see you succeed, did something for us, right? And, and we left high and lifted up feeling like again, we could take on the world feeling like again, our joy was restored. And, and here's, here's one of my favorite scriptures as we talk about this Joy podcast, and I don't even know if you realize it, my favorite scripture says the joy of the Lord is your strength. And if you wonder why you're down, and if you wonder why you don't have the strength to feed your kids or deal with your husband or your ex-husband, if you wonder why you can't go to work today, if you wonder why you just don't have the energy to do that load of laundry or to sweep those stairs or to clean those bathrooms, check your joy because your [00:27:00] joy is tied to your strength.
And so people say how you so strong, you always searching. You go through all kind of stuff, and you always smiling. You always happy because the joy of the Lord is my strength so I can weather whatever comes and be strong because I'm joyful. Now if I decided to forsake joy and look at what's going on around me and be depressed about my outcomes, my circumstances, my children's autism diagnosis, the fact that my business lost $44,000 in the first quarter of this year because I spoke out and and encouraged people to boycott target. If I looked at all that and took my eyes off the Lord, there's no way that I could have joy, but then I wouldn't be strong enough to run my business and raise my children and be a divorced parent and help my community and bless these people who count on me to help them get their happy back.
And so I created a newsletter, uh, after I jumped off social media. Um, and folks can find that it, sheletta [00:28:00] makes me laugh.com and it's it's Sheletta's newsletter, how to help you get your happy back. And so all I talk about is happy stuff. All I talk about is joyful stuff. You wanna find out about the tariffs, you wanna find out about that school shooting. You wanna find out about that busted, flipped over with them kids in it. You can go somewhere else because on here I'm gonna be laughing. I'm gonna be taking over the dance floor at an elementary school dance. I'm gonna be, uh, talking about these kids. I'm gonna be talking about how I would really like to do work in the movie theater and bring my laptop, but then I get put out.
Don't just the fun stuff, the fun, funny stuff that's going to help you make it through the day. That's, that's it, that's all I got for you. And if you want that other stuff, you can go somewhere else. But, you know, one of the, the sayings that we have at our house is happiness is a choice. Mm-hmm. That no matter what happens in your life, you have to choose to be happy. Like you choose what to wear, like you choose what car to drive, like you choose where you gonna work. Happiness [00:29:00] is a. Choice. And no matter what goes on, you have to choose to be happy.
Chrissie: Good stuff. I know that joy builds capacity and I think that you are absolutely onto something. There is, um, there is a great connection between how well we solve for joy, how well we get to our, our happy place and what we can withstand, what we can, uh, be resilient in the face of. And my understanding of joy, um, and I've been thinking about it a long time, is a combination of meaning, alignment, and delight. So it's not as you know, I, I'm not down talking happiness, but I think happy is a little bit of a flatter, less multidimensional. Yes, yes, yes. Um, descriptor. Whereas joy can merge with sorrow. [00:30:00] Joy can contain sorrow because when there is a groundedness and, um, connectedness to meaning, alignment with values and our own understood personal mission, then there can be joy even while the tears are flowing.
Sheletta: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you know, joy reminds us that there's hope. You know what I mean? Joy reminds us that things can and will get better. Joy reminds us that the storm only comes to pass. The storm doesn't stay no matter what the storm is. Storms don't stay. They come and they go. And Joy allows us to pick up and clean up the pieces after the storm passes through our lives, whatever that storm is. I like to tell people, uh, the devil don't have no new tricks, just new faces. If we look back over our lives, uh, any situation that we're in, I we can find something similar that we've already been through and the Lord has delivered us [00:31:00] from that already.
I, um, went to Houston to do a door lock donation event. Um, my three kids with autism, one of them is a wanderer, my youngest son Daniel. And so he always tries to get outta the house. And children with autism are wanderers and they are drawn to water and they can't swim. It's almost impossible to teach them to swim because they don't, uh, speak.
Uh, can't follow verbal commands and they don't make eye contact. So teaching them to, you can't teach 'em their name. You can't teach 'em what a square is. You can't teach 'em where, where their area is. So for some of them, it's impossible to teach them to swim. And so I was having the hardest time just keeping my child alive. Like so scary. He would have to come in the bathroom with me if I peed. If I'd wash dishes, he would have to hug me around my waist because the sink faces the outside of the house. And so there's no way for me to wash dishes and watch him at the same time like, like he would just get out of the house and we wouldn't even know he was gone. Right.
And I mean sleeping, there's no sleep because you would constantly waking up, checking to make sure your child is still in bed. Right? Because they sneak out at night. And so [00:32:00] I found these interior combination door locks that. I, um, put on all the doors leading to the outside of my house, so if my son doesn't have that 10 digit code, he can't get out the house. Well, girl, I could sleep. I compete with the door closed. I could wash dishes. It's brought down the level of anxiety for my older children so they don't have to feel like they have to watch him and keep him safe while I do something simple like brush my teeth, right? And, and so I take these logs and I give them away to families who can't afford them.
And I do this in towns or cities where there's been a recent drowning of an autistic child who wandered away to raise awareness and heighten the, um, the information about these locks. And so I went to Houston, recently, flew down from Minnesota where I live with, um. About a almost a hundred locks, right? In two big, giant suitcases, right? And so I get to the airport in Houston. I'm there, and my locks are not, it's 1149. My door lock donation event is at one [00:33:00] o'clock on the other side of town. My locks are scheduled to be there at two 50. Oh, no. You know what? I did not do you know what I didn't do? Get upset. I did not get upset. I did not get anxious. I did not get angry. I filled out my little claim ticket and I got in my car and drove to the event because I knew the Lord would take care of me.
Why? Because back in 2022, after the Uvalde School shooting, there was only one library in the town. Mm-hmm. And cBS, somebody did a national story with these people and said that because the elementary school was closed after the shooting, that all the elementary school students, thousands of them were going to this, uh, neighborhood library, and they were outta books. So I thought, I am going to take copies of all my autism children's books that I write down to you, Val, in my family's rv. And we're gonna do a big thing and let these people know we're here for them, we love them, we celebrate and support them, [00:34:00] right? And so I, um, I said, okay, I don't have enough room in the RV for the books and my children, so I'm gonna send 'em down there.
I got to Houston and my books did not. So I have to go to Uvdale. Well, these people are waiting on me with the promise of 500 books for the children. And at that time I had never had a miracle happen like this. Um, I was frantic, I was cussing, I was calling UPS, I was calling the publisher. I was trying to find out how in the world am I gonna get 500 books to Uvdale because these people are waiting on my books.
And then the Lord gave me the idea to have a book drive. To get all of Houston involved and to have them all, uh, donate books. So I partnered with a bookstore in Houston and, uh, people came for hours buying books out of that bookstore to give to me. So it was a benefit for the bookstore. It was a benefit for me and the children. So instead of going to Uvalde with 500 books, I [00:35:00] went with 1500 mm, the largest donation that they've ever had in the school.
So I maintain my joy. Kept my peace relied on my faith and everything worked out, and so these crisis and situations that come up in our lives, we've been through that before. We've seen that before. This is not anything new for us. Anytime these things happen, right? Yeah. We just have to maintain our joy and, and keep a smile on our face and know that everything will work
Chrissie: out. It's true. Um, I, I heard, um, Martha Beck quote, uh, someone named Yid the other day, and the quote was, "joy is a moral obligation"
Sheletta: baby. We did the, can't you, can you put that on the shirt? We can put that on the shirt. We need to put, you can
Chrissie: put it on my TEDx talk next.
Sheletta: Girl. Girl, please. Please. The next TEDx talk, let's make that the highlight. Let's make that support of the day's. [00:36:00] Yes ma'am.
Chrissie: Joy is a moral obligation and we can actually access it even in difficulty, even in difficult times. That's what we need the most. And there's, there's definitely some choosing there. You know, I don't wanna, mm-hmm. Um, I don't want to dismiss people who struggle with depression, who are gonna be hearing that and saying, well, you might not know my experience that choosing happy is not as straightforward as it sounds. Um, so there's many, many shades of, of experiencing, um, and we got stuff.
Sheletta: But at some point, you gotta take a step a a step forward. You gotta take a step forward. You gotta make a decision.
Chrissie: Absolutely. And that might be in the form of getting help, a decision to get help to get closer to your happy, right?
Sheletta: Right. To get therapy, to open up to friends and family, to, um, you know, seek, uh, guidance from a spiritual advisor to, um, you know, sit and talk and resolve some issues, some unresolved [00:37:00] issues that, you know, you've been holding on to. You know, and, and we, we, for, for whatever reason, we are living in an age in a world right now where we don't wanna take accountability or responsibility for things we do. Right. I see it in my kids. Did you do that Uhuh? That was my brother. Well, mama, you asked me to do it and so I had to Well, I, I was gonna take out the trash, but you told me to go clean my room. Hey, hey. No ma'am. That's your responsibility. That's something that you need to do.
And so, uh, I remember I was, uh, speaking at an event, and this has never happened before, but the people who asked me to come and speak said that they weren't satisfied with what I did. I've never, girl, I was like, my husband sleep with you. Why you mad at me? Because ain't no way. I have never in the 53 years of my speaking anyway, I had anybody to tell me that they don't. But you know what I said? I said, I'm so sorry. I said, I aim to exceed your expectations, and I did not do that. I fell short and I wanna apologize [00:38:00] and, and they were absolutely shocked. They were like. Because they were expecting me to say, well, what and how, and huh and what girl? At some point we had to take responsibility, and you know what I did? I've never done this before.
And I was like, Lord, how am I gonna rectify the situation? Money back guarantee? I wrote them a letter, I sent it, FedEx, and I said, you know what? I did not exceed your expectations and sheletta makes me laugh.com. We aim to exceed the expectation of each and every person who hires us for any number of jobs that we do. And so since your expectation was not exceeded, please find this check enclosed. Cash it and thank you so much. You got a freebie. Please call on us again if you need us. And so and so that was a leap of faith. Wait, right, wait,
Chrissie: did they cash the check, is the question?
I'm gonna ask?
Sheletta: So, so that was a leap of faith. So then they, so then they, they like, that was so much grace. Show letta,. You send us a check. Can we have a meeting? Nope. Can't have no meeting because why? I'm trying to preserve and maintain my joy. Joy is a muscle that you have to [00:39:00] exercise. And joy means sometimes you gotta let some stuff go. Joy means sometimes you gotta be accountable. Joy means sometimes you got to lose to win. Now, I could have argued them helpers down and said, you know what? I've been doing this for all these years and I have been a broadcaster for 25 years of my life, and I have never had any, anybody say. I said, you, you, hey, whatever you wanted. If I didn't give it to you, I'm sorry. And I sent them their money back, FedEx, and I didn't send it to the lady who I've been working with. I sent it to the one who was complaining the most because I needed her. I said, I said, I sent a check to the person who was chirping and I needed her to call the people and tell 'em she got the check. So when they called and I was like, no, I can't meet with you. And they were like, well, we, we not gonna cash your check.
I said, if you don't cash your check, I'm gonna send cash. I said, and if I was thinking, if I hadn't been moving so fast, Chrissie, I, I would've sent, I would've sent cash. So, and I would've sent it in five. So $5,000 worth of $5 bills would've just fell out the damn envelope if I would've been thinking, right. I didn't move. I, I was moving too fast. If I'd been thinking I'd [00:40:00] went, got 5,000 out that bank and let, and let all that money just fall out of there, but I wrote a check that's on me. And so they were like, well, we're not gonna cash the check. And I said, well, that's absolutely your prerogative, but I need you to know I'm serious about giving you and giving any of my clients everything that they pay me for and more because I don't need you going around town telling people You paid me all this money and I didn't deliver
Chrissie: Master class. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Then you wanna talk about Outclass Master Masterclass. You're welcome everyone. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sheletta yeah. Seriously. I just, that's something. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, oh, it's not me, it's you. It's not me. It's not you.
Sheletta: So, so when you get stuff for free, can you complain?
Chrissie: And let's agree not to ever do business together again, right?
Sheletta: And, and, and if I'm giving it to you and I paid for it and you didn't pay [00:41:00] for it, then whatever I gave you, you need to be satisfied because what, what, what our parents teach us, beggars can't be choosy, so you've gotta it for free. Now if you, you decide for, don't wanna cash the, you get what you pay for, which is nothing. So if you decide you don't wanna cash the check that's on you, boo. No, I just gave you your money back.
Chrissie: They got a $5,000 talk and a $5,000 lesson.
Sheletta: Baby. Huh? I haven't heard from him again.
Chrissie: Well, that's a blessing all by itself. It's, it's, that is its own blessing. Thank you for sharing those stories. Um, I wanna ask you if you have listened to the Telepathy Tapes podcast as a mom of a, a couple of autistic kids?
Sheletta: No, I. Send it to me, girl. Look, as a mom of autistic kids, I can barely sit down. I'm gonna be jumping off off of here in a couple of minutes, so I go get lunch and dinner, you know, that's true. And breakfast ready and meal prep's. But I have, it's true. Not listened. Um, you know, and, and as a mom of three autistic kids, any resource that's available that we can take advantage of, it's a blessing. [00:42:00] Anytime somebody puts their heart and soul into a product, whether it is a podcast or a pillow to help us and our children, it's a blessing.
Chrissie: You know, I, I don't if you do even know the context, I'll, I'll just sort of like give you the thumbnail sketch of it. This, um, journalist mm-hmm. Ky Dickens, um, starts off by interviewing an autism, uh, researcher who's a psychiatrist who has witnessed and described many, many episodes of non-verbal autistic children and young adults, um, basically doing remote viewing having telepathic comprehension of thoughts in their mom, dad, caregiver, close loved ones brains. And then it evolves into like these pretty much um. Paradigm shifting stories about nonverbal kids and, and also later on, like other adults and their ability to communicate [00:43:00] at a higher frequency, at a higher vibration.
Mm-hmm. And that a lot of these kids who eventually become communicators through spelling or through um, speech production devices, um, are also just sharing the deepest insights and wisdom. You know, the root of which is always love is all that matters. Love is all that matters. Yeah. We are not our bodies, et cetera, et cetera. Like things that, things that we know, things that we might be like, oh yeah, I'm remembering that when people say it out loud, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's worth a, listen. I found it absolutely world shattering. Like, it, it, not that I didn't feel those things were true, but um, the experience of listening to this carefully put together series is, it's worth it. It's worth it. I,
Sheletta: I gotta check it out. And you know, those kids with autism, uh, they are so smart. They're, they're in there, you know, and, and I remember when my son wasn't talking and, and he typed up some stuff [00:44:00] and, you know, I. I read it and I just cried. I was like, this was all in your brain. This was all in your head. You wrote all this down. I mean, or, or he developed, you know, sketches for books or you know, cartoons that he had created, and I was like all this was in your head. I was. That's why I was like, I gotta get y'all talking because I can't have this trapped in your head. All this brilliance, all this brain matter.
I need the world to hear you. I need the world to see you. I need the world to know what y'all got going on over here. And so that's why, like I said, I locked the house down for three years. I didn't go anywhere. I didn't work, I didn't bathe, I didn't brush my teeth. We had therapy eight hours a day, seven days a week. Um, and now you see the results of my children. They went from not talking to talking back. Um, they were severely autistic and now they're in normal developing classrooms with their normal developing peers. My kids are in plays, they're in choir, they're on student council. If you had told me that this was possible, [00:45:00] um, back when I had three severely autistic children who couldn't talk and they were all in Pampers eating puree food and lining up their toys, and just sitting there looking at 'em, not touching it, I don't know what I would've told you, but I know that God is able and um, these children are brilliant.
Yeah, and they're lucky to have you.
Sheletta: Oh girl, and I'm lucky to have you. I'm just, I'm so blessed that you know that, that God put us in each other's lives and all these years later we are still connected.
Chrissie: Mm-hmm. Amen. My heart to yours friend.
My heart to yours. Thank you so much.
Sheletta: Thank you for having me on your show. Girl. It's such a blessing. It's such a blessing that you are sharing your brain matter with the world. You are helping us to restore and reclaim joy. Um, I I need you to remember that light always, um, roots our darkness. And I need you to remember that your light, this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Keep letting your light. This podcast, your, uh, ministry of joy shine [00:46:00] because the world needs this. There's so much darkness and we talk about it all the time, but somebody gotta be a light. And you are a light. You are a light. You are a light, and we need your light. So please keep allowing your light to shine in the darkest of places. The only way we're gonna root our darkness is with light, right?
Chrissie: Takes one to no one. I love you so much. Amen. I love you. Mm. I'm gonna link to, um, the books. I'm gonna link to please the newsletter. Yes.
Sheletta: The newsletter newsletter, Sheletta newsletter. They can find all that at Sheletta makes me laugh.com I made sure we put it all right up at the top.
Chrissie: Thanks for sharing your joy with us today.
Sheletta: I love y'all.
Chrissie: I love you too. Bye friend.
Sheletta Brundidge y'all. Joy builder, barrier breaker and bold. Brilliant truth teller, whether she's on the mic or on a mission. Sheletta [00:47:00] rings joy and justice to everything she touches. I'm so grateful you got to meet her here. If something in today's episode made you feel more connected to joy, purpose, your own story, I would be so honored if you would take just 30 seconds to leave a quick review or rating or share this podcast with somebody you care about. These conversations ripple out and they need to, they shift our narratives and your voice helps that happen.
If you're a physician coach looking to go deeper in your work, grow your community, and be inspired by some of the most thoughtful leaders in the field, please join us this November for the Physician Coaching Summit. We'll be gathering at Savannah Wellness Resort and Spa in the Arizona Desert, and our speaker lineup is truly. Fire. You can find all the details at the physician coaching summit.com. We would love to see there you guys.
Next week I'm joined by Dr. Jessie Mahoney, a pediatrician, coach and mindfulness teacher, yoga teacher who spent the last two decades helping physicians reconnect with what matters. She brings this grounded, gentle approach to wellbeing. I [00:48:00] can't wait for you to hear her insights and hear about the retreats that she leads.
As always, I'm a physician, but not your physician. Nothing shared here should be taken as medical advice. These are personal stories and reflections offered in the spirit of connection and inspiration.
If today's connection and inspiration sparked something for you, a desire to slow down, reconnect, or reclaim what brings you joy, coaching can be a powerful companion. Learn more about our [email protected] or check the show notes. Deep gratitude as always to the team that makes it happen. Kelsey Vaughn, producer and Wear of many hats, Alyssa Wilkes post-production and the one who makes sure every episode sounds as good as it feels. And Denise Crane operations and behind the scenes brilliance. Thank you to Shelby Brakken for our cover, photography and music by Denys Kyshchuk and finally, my sue. Partner in life and love. Thank you for cheering us on always. Let your joy be loud, your truth be steady, and your laughter and reminder that you're still here and still solving for joy. See you next [00:49:00] time.
