Chrissie.Ep30
===
Iris: [00:00:00] Balance is not something that remains, but it's something that we are in an active relationship. Balance is a relationship between ourselves and the environment. Balance is, the result of being attuned
Chrissie: so much of coaching is like the micro correction or the micro counterbalance to the momentum that we have been conditioned acculturated to display and to embody. So we are doing tiny little micro adjustments to, for example, our views, our thinking, our intentionally managed thought and belief production.
[00:01:00]
Iris: friendship is what saved me, and I think I still hold that belief to this day. Connection is really the key to everything.
Chrissie: you're listening to Solving for Joy. I'm your host, Dr. Chrissie Ott.
Hello, and welcome to today's episode of the Solving for Joy podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Chrissie Ott, and I am here today with my dear friend, Iris Fernandez Valdez. I am so excited to have Iris here with you. I'm going to read you a little tiny bit of Iris's bio because it's just super fun. Um, Iris discovered her passion for the radical magic. Yes. I said, radical magic of coaching, uh, while supporting stress and anxiety management groups at a primary care health tech startup. Uh, she pivoted from a career in computer science and now believes connecting with ourselves, each other in the Planet is a more challenging and worthwhile pursuit. [00:02:00] She is a Puerto Rican non binary trans woman and an emotional wellbeing coach. Iris promotes coaching as a tool that takes us beyond individual self actualization and brings about revolutionary grassroots community self determination. I love that.
Um, she is part of the Bora Cure. I didn't say that quite right. The diaspora in Brooklyn and an abolitionist. And I actually can't wait for you to say some words with us about being an abolitionist in this day and age. Um, but I, I would say at the, at the beginning, you are announcing yourself as a, An activist of love and light and compassion. And that is what I saw in Iris when I met her at the Institute of Coaching conference last year. Um, and we've been planning this date ever since. So, wow, that was a lot of words, but thanks for being here, Iris. Welcome. [00:03:00]
Iris: Thank you so much. Thank you for that introduction, Chrissie um, yeah, so I am part of the Bori Queer. Diaspora. That's like the fun way that us Puerto Rican queer folks call ourselves and each other. It's Bori from Boriqua, which is one of the ways that we identify as Puerto Rican folks. It stems from the Native American word for the archipelago. And then Quir, which is just a Spanish way of saying queer.
Um, yeah, I'm, like you said, really, really passionate about the potential, um, and not just potential, but the ways in which coaching is already empowering people at the grassroots community level. Um, and. How coaching is serving as a tool [00:04:00] to, to really bring about fundamental change, um, starting each person, right? That fundamental transformation that happens within each one of us when we are coached and when we learn to coach ourselves.
Chrissie: You know, I, um, I'm thinking about, You know, this moment in particular, as it relates to the United States of America, the role of the U. S. in the greater world, how the current oppressive policies and regime are affecting people, um, you, me, um, many people with, um, significant vulnerabilities at this time and how coaching um, stabilizes or has the potential to stabilize us in community in response [00:05:00] to that threat.
Iris: Yeah, I love that image of coaching, uh, stability. In my time doing mental health coaching at WAVE, balance is one of the skills that is really important for us to develop, um, regardless of what challenges we're facing. And balance is really interesting because we want to really unpack what it means to be balanced. Oftentimes we hear the word balance and the image of a work life balance comes to mind. It's an image of two sides. It's an image of giving and taking until there is a lack of movement.
And for me, a different image comes to [00:06:00] mind and it's much more accessible and aligned with my humanity when I think about the word balance. And that's the image, for example, of a surfboard on a wave. It's a dynamic system. Balance is not something that remains, but it's something that we are in an active relationship. Balance is a relationship between ourselves and the environment. Balance is, the result of being attuned witH eachother.. So you use the word stability and how coaching can serve as a stabilizing force. And that's what comes to mind for me is that through coaching, we can really develop our [00:07:00] capacity to find balance and not just balance with ourselves, not just balance between our different parts of our lives, but that balance from one moment to the next with each other
Chrissie: When I think about, you know, balance in the body, for example, in an asana, um, in, in yoga, you know, balance, even when we appear to be static, we're actually continuously using our proprioceptive ability, our reading of where we are in space and the environment right now to do micro adjustments right? To do micro movements. And I love getting into this metaphor so deeply because so much of coaching is like the micro correction or the micro counterbalance to the momentum that we have been [00:08:00] conditioned acculturated, uh, to, to display and to embody. So we are doing tiny little micro, um, adjustments to, for example, our views, our thinking, um, our intentionally managed thought and belief production.
Iris: And that's so interesting too, because A lot of these micro adjustments. Because when we're in those Asana poses, or when we're practicing skateboarding, or
Chrissie: or surfing
Iris: or salsa dancing to have bad money. Yes. Like we just did, um, like we just did. Um, we're not always paying attention to that very specific thing that we're adjusting. there are different lenses [00:09:00] that we attune to with our somatic sensory organs, right? Um. that lead to the micro adjustments. So, and sometimes actually paying too much, too close attention to that muscle that we're supposed to developing can be counterproductive. And so having sort of the bigger picture, um, can be really beneficial. And then trusting the body and trusting the spirit and trusting the mind. And it's capacity to find balance and to develop the strength and the flexibility, openness, to be in balance with the environment, with the moment.
Chrissie: Yes, and to be intentionally imbalanced, out of balance with the environment at times, because that is also part of just being [00:10:00] human. I would love to hear a tiny bit about the backstory, Iris. How did you find coaching? How did you find yourself here?
Iris: Yeah, I find myself here in part because of my personal journey with acknowledging, my mental health struggles and exploring tools, solutions, and figuring out exactly how to integrate what works and maybe let go of what doesn't work in such a way that I am just me. How to get in my, out of my way of being me because for whatever reason, um, I was getting in my way.
And that first started happening in [00:11:00] college. I had, the college was pretty challenging for me when I was studying computer science in Providence at Brown University, there was a culture shock moving from Puerto Rico and stepping out of a sheltered Catholic conservative Puerto Rican home and into the spaciousness of really asking myself how it is that I want to be in the world. Um, I wasn't in tune with who I was and who I am at my core, which has a lot to do with gender, and I wasn't aware of it at the time.
While in college, I took a course in Contemplative Studies with a wonderful, um, wonderful professor, Harold Roth, um, a Zen Roshi, actually, a scholar [00:12:00] of Chan Buddhism and Taoism, um, in China. And I was first exposed to Eastern philosophy and psychology, contemplation there. And I fell in love with the practice of mindfulness. It was really, um, it's where I could find solace. In my darkest of times, um, things didn't make sense for me, and I, they made such little sense to me, that I didn't really feel like I was meant to be in this world, or it was a little too much for me to be in this world, so I tried to take my life.
And that marks the lowest point for me. The point where my will to live was very, very low, and my will to die was really high. Thankfully, I [00:13:00] survived that with a lot of help from institutions. It wasn't a very joyful time of my life, and I'm actually really passionate about how to better improve our strategies to support people with suicidal ideation, um, because it didn't really help me at a fundamental level. It just kind of helped me, um, struggle along string by.
But I moved in with friends to New York City, and friendship is what saved me, and I think I still hold that belief to this day. Connection is really the key to everything. While in New York, I was just trying to get by, and I had a job at One Medical as an administrative assistant. One Medical, for those who might not know, is a primary care startup. They're a pretty big deal these days. And at One Medical, there was a group of folks who [00:14:00] were doing stress and anxiety management and lifestyle coaching. I got in touch with these folks because of our affinity to mindfulness.
And so my love for mindfulness and meditation led me to connect with these lovely, lovely people. And I was invited to support coaching for stress and anxiety managed groups. And I immediately fell in love with coaching. To see people who were having trouble sleeping, trouble connecting with their spouses and their children. And in four weeks, see a transformation in their life through mindful eating, progressive muscle relaxation, positive visioning of the future and other tools. It was just so rewarding for me. So I immediately enrolled in a well coaches, um, training [00:15:00] program and I became a health and wellness coach.
Now that's how I got into the world of coaching. I did a lot of mental health coaching support, um, at one medical. And then in my time at wave, where I also did teaching, I'm very passionate actually about trauma informed care and how coaches can be better equipped to continue coaching and not step out of their coach role out of a place of fear and, um and lack of confidence through some challenges that can actually oftentimes be more prevalent in marginalized communities.
So, at my time of wave, I really deepened that passion and I learned [00:16:00] more about different strategies to support people with mental health. Um, while still really staying within the coach ethical framework and since then, I've been growing more and more towards supporting mental health in a less direct way. So something that I've been noticing in my private practice and with my clientele, and maybe this actually comes back to the micro adjustments, Chrissie but there's nothing more effective than talking to people about what they love. About what they love to do, what they love to feel, who they love to be, embody, express, who they love to be with and share.
And so I've been having a lot of fun and a lot of [00:17:00] success. Well, my clients have been having a lot of success as I step into coaching for creative fulfillment. And so a lot of my artists are queer, people of color, neurodivergent and they have an artistic or scholarly passion that they want to pursue or that they're pursuing and when that's the focus of the conversation, everything that can feel so daunting to deal with that we can so often pathologize becomes a smaller piece of the puzzle that's actually much easier to deal with. And we have so much more fun dealing with it, too.
Um, so, through that lens, it's that I'm really helping and supporting people get in touch with and connect with, not just their calling, but then through their calling, connect [00:18:00] with other people and build community and, and create resilient communities. That are then able to find balance and stability when there are so many threats that are occurring.
Chrissie: I love the virtuous cycle that is, um, kind of forming through your words, Iris. Um, I want to acknowledge that you just told us a really tender truth a while back about yourself and acknowledge, um, a lot of tenderness, um, beaming back in time for you then, because we do know that time is just a construct and in some, in some realm, that person is still struggling and I'm just going to send her some extra super good love and energy.
Um, There was [00:19:00] struggle, and then there was connection. And as you said, we know that connection mitigates trauma. Course connection mitigates trauma. Um, my favorite thing to say after that is that presence is a prerequisite for connection, which involves knowing where you are in space and time, and a little bit of who you are. Maybe a lot of who you are. So, presence, connection. Um, mitigating trauma. Coaching creatives and coaching for creative fulfillment is such a, um, such a thrill for me as well. I wonder if you have gotten your hands on Martha Beck's latest book, Beyond Anxiety yet.
Iris: I have not yet.
Chrissie: What you were saying. So, um, My background is that I trained at the Wayfinder Life [00:20:00] Coach School with Martha Beck. And, um, Martha's books are all really amazing. She's wacky, wonderful and wise, um, and beyond anxiety. Even though creativity's not in the title is all about moving from the, the mind state, the brain that creates an anxiety state into the the mind state where we connect with our creativity because you can't effectively be in both at the same time and in some ways that makes creativity one way out of suffering. Um, it is, it's also happens to be a way that we inhabit our lives in ourselves and that we become our most expressed self, which I think is a very holy calling. Um, and it, it brings us to a resonance that we [00:21:00] can attract the people that we need to have around us and create that resilient community that you spoke of. It's just a happy, happy image to think of that.
Iris: The word resonance stands out to me. How do you, how do you recognize when there is resonance, Chrissie? I mean, it feels like it, like it was like an, like, attractive resonance.
Chrissie: Yes. Not a dissonance. But like a harmonic, um, it's a vibration, right? So I'm going to go to my body to feel that. Sometimes my body knows it long before my languaging brain has capacity to describe it. You just know when you're in the presence of somebody that you vibe with, literally, you know? I mean, we say the word, but we don't necessarily think through it all that often, but it is like, yeah, [00:22:00] yeah, we vibe. It's copacetic.
Iris: That makes me think about this image that has come up a couple of times in conversation for me, which is, we contain multitudes, and sometimes I think of myself as multiple lights of different colors or shapes. And in the presence of different people, different lights are amplified, and others less so. And so we can resonate highly and differently, depending on who it is that we are with. And then that can [00:23:00] become really fun, because it's not just then, an are we or not resonating, an are we or not vibing, but a how is it that we vibe? What are all the different ways that I am capable of vibing, of having fun, of being creative with other people?
Chrissie: Of solving for joy. Yeah, I um, appreciate making it not a not a binary question, vibe or not vibe, it's more like how, to what extent.
Iris: To vibe or not to vibe?
Chrissie: That is the question.
Iris: Yes.
That's interesting, I wonder what would have been written if we like, thought about it less binary, right? Is it really to live or not to live, or is [00:24:00] it how?
Chrissie: What will it take? I have a question for you. In the bio that I read, um, you describe yourself as an abolitionist, and I know that not everyone, um, has a ready grasp on what it means to be an abolitionist in the year 2025, but I think that it's really juicy to talk about, um, because abolitionists if they understood what that meant.
Iris: Punishment. The society of punishment is the opposite of abolitionism. I don't believe in punishment. I actually believe that punishment as a [00:25:00] construct disconnects us from our humanity. Or maybe, maybe not disconnects us from our humanity because it is part of our humanity just by nature that we do it. It's part of who we are. It's part of what we're capable of.
Chrissie: It's one of our dehumanizing habits.
Iris: Yeah, which I mean, we could go into what being human or dehumanizing is and that's a whole nother thing. But the point is that when we give people, when people have access, to the resources that allow for a person to flourish, which is something that the person themselves will be able to tell you if they are doing or not. We have the capacity to recognize flourishing in ourselves.
So, and then flourishing people, [00:26:00] like we are able to then think about the qualities that are present in flourishing humans. Which brings us to the qualities present in groups of flourishing humans. And punishment, when punishment is present, it's not really aligned with the qualities of flourishing humanity. Oftentimes people who are punishing are not flourishing humans. And they would tell you in a vulnerable conversation.
And we know the impacts of being punished. It does not lead to flourishing. So, a punishing dynamic is one between people who are not connected to each other, and [00:27:00] oftentimes between people who are not present. Abolitionism is really about dreaming a new future where we grow as people, we grow as communities. without the tool of punishment. And that means to be bold and daring when we try to imagine homes, friendships, communities, governments that don't have this construct of punishment, that don't have the construct of incarceration, that don't have the construct of a prison, and to believe that it's possible.
And I identify as an abolitionist because I used to live in a home where that [00:28:00] was commonplace. Thankfully, I feel glad that I didn't receive corporal punishment as a child. My parents did not hit me, but they did punish me, often through disconnection, through silence. And they still do, actually. I don't talk to my parents. Since I came out to them, they're still punishing me. It's a choice that they make. It's quite an aggressive one at that. I can literally feel in my heart right now how the vibes changed.
Chrissie: Yeah.
Iris: For me. Because it's painful. It's painful. And when pain is present, It doesn't lead to that creative state, right?
Chrissie: Thank you for sharing what's [00:29:00] painful. I know that it's not, um, it's not your whole fullness and also it's part of your story and um, you know, when we share it, especially in platforms like this it touches somebody who it's meant to touch. It's one of the, you know, one of my own tenets is may no suffering go untransformed. If, if I am to suffer, let it be of use to someone somewhere. If we are to suffer some anyway, let me let it help. I am sorry that they don't get you.
Iris: Yeah, it's okay. I've made peace with it. I really like what you were saying here about let it be, let it serve someone else, which means let it serve us. Because then it becomes a way to connect with ourselves, right, with each other.
Chrissie: And [00:30:00] it's a part of a story of triumph. It's a necessary part of a sequence. It's not the entire story. Um, I've been reminded in one of the coaching containers that I'm in recently about our hero's journey. And, you know, there would be no Odyssey without, um, staggering difficulties, right? Um, not to whitewash it, not to gaslight ourselves, but to, uh, reframe, to cognitively reframe and to recontextualize in the arc of a meaningful story that is aligned with values and a life that we, um, live intentionally.
Iris: It's also by recognizing what it is that then we can recognize, like recognizing that it's there that we can recognize when it's not, and why I'm an abolitionist is because in all the relationships that I foster and nourish, [00:31:00] I consider, I consider them to be abolitionist relationships. There is no I don't punish myself. Well, actually, I do and I try really hard not to. That's, that one's a tough one to overcome.
Chrissie: I know, I know. I just want to know how. How are you punishing yourself?
Iris: Well, you know, we have, we have, we have these negative self talks. It's not something that I set out to do, but I catch myself. I catch myself punishing myself in my mind. There you go. But the point is, is that even, you know, the trying not to punish, the recognizing that the punishing, the self punishing or wanting to punish someone else that creates this me versus you, this sort of virtuous versus [00:32:00] non virtuous roles in a dynamic don't serve what we ultimately want.
You know, one of the most important breakthroughs that I've, that have served me in my journey is realizing that when I was upset with someone, I was upset because we weren't connected. It's like, why am I, I'm so, I'm so angry at you, I'm so angry at you. I'm angry that we're not holding each other's hands and watching a movie. That's what I'm angry about.
So how can, how can we anchor ourselves in what we truly want, which is to have beautiful relationships with each other that are supportive and loving where we feel heard and the other person feels heard and we can find mutual understanding or, Oh my goodness, maybe, maybe even better than that. Maybe we can feel, maybe we can find relationship without mutual understanding. [00:33:00] What a radical idea is that.
Chrissie: Yes, relating through difference. What a radical idea.
Iris: Mm hmm. So, all of this to say, because it can be a little hard for some people at first to conceive of, a world without prisons. That's really what abolitionism is about. But not because, you know, that's just a manifestation of something that is Much deeper and has to do with, with who we are with ourselves and with each other at a fundamental level as a society.
Chrissie: It's a remote end product of a certain kind of expressed energy and disconnection. Thanks for, um, extrapolating on that. Um, so. So interesting, um, and certainly I think ties into our, our desire to try and solve for joy, [00:34:00] um, at both micro and macro levels.
Iris: Yeah, punishment is not part of that equation. You can't solve for joy when it's, when, when we're putting people in cages, and when we're pretending that they're not, and moving them away, and when we don't believe in each other's capacity to, Overcome the current struggle and challenge.
Chrissie: Um, part of my brain, of course, is going down the, uh, you know, the road of like, what about this scenario? What about that scenario? And I'm not,
Iris: Let's talk about it. I mean, I,
Chrissie: I'm not even, like, it could go so many ways, but See if there's a, if there's a coherent question for me. Um, I mean, I think about people who are repeat violent offenders, who are [00:35:00] sociopathic, um, who, you know, are truly not safe, um, in society or society is not safe with them. I, I have not yet, figured my way to, uh, another alternative, other than believing that that does sometimes exist. And, um, I don't know how, how would a abolitionist approach that problem in society?
Iris: I'm not an expert. I'm going to say that I'm way more qualified than me. So, um, I do suggest that people set out to do research on this on their own, because there are people who have really researched on this.
Chrissie: They do have answers about that. Yeah.
Iris: So, so for example, like the Black and Pink Organization, that is a nationwide organization that does really beautiful work with incarcerated trans [00:36:00] folks. Um, and they have like a program for like pen pals to foster relationship with the people inside.
Chrissie: How humanizing.
Iris: Um. Yeah, so they're an abolitionist organization, and those are the types of folks who are an expert in this topic. Um, my two cents are that this is a multi generational project. We're coaches, we like ambition., so we want to remember That for folks who, you know, maybe we say, no matter what we try, they will continue to be a danger to society. Let's, I'll follow that premise for now. For now. To think about, to think about what are the conditions to let, to that. [00:37:00] And to have the courage to invest in the future so that that does not happen in the first place. As opposed to continue to fund and build and create systems that perpetuate the root cause of that human behavior.
So I don't think we can really talk about those cases without talking about how it is that we got there and then ensuring that we're investing there first. Now, where I'm going is I, a part of me really does find it hard to believe that we've tried it all. Have we given this person dignified shelter [00:38:00] and privacy and whole foods, access to information and knowledge and agency and positive practices for the body from like, you know, physical fitness and yoga and whatnot. Have these people had access to creative means? Have these people had the opportunity to connect with a professional who's not trying to analyze them, but who is genuinely curious about the ways that their destructive behavior might be fulfilling for them in a genuine curiosity to discover and co discover alternatives.
Chrissie: Yeah, that's an interesting [00:39:00] question. I mean, of course we haven't, of course that's never been done, and it's interesting to ponder.
Iris: I'm, uh, Yeah, so I would absolutely love to have this type of conversation with people who, who have been, you know, working within the system, for example, but also with people who have been advocating from a different perspective as well, because oftentimes, we know that people who have access to work within the system are filtered through specific mindsets and approaches and trainings by the time that you have access to work with people.
I just don't think that, that we've really tried at all and, and I think that then is a question that we want to have as a society is how important is this to us collectively? Do we really truly want to solve for joy? Because what that means [00:40:00] is to be willing to get our hands dirty and really think deeply about these scenarios and invest our time and our money into finding solutions as opposed to giving up.
Chrissie: I mean, when we think about, you know, systems always create the exact outcomes they were designed to create, right? So our systems, um, taken together have solved for production and have solved for profit for a few. They have solved for, um, you know, creating classes of people. They have not. necessarily solved for joy. I am, I'm going to take a little turn and ask you Iris about your current favorite ways to solve for joy. [00:41:00]
Iris: I just bounced. Because that's such a joyful question. I'm going to use that one. With my client. What are my current ways to solve for joy? I have ADHD. It took me many, many, many years to really come to terms with myself about that and what it really meant. Um, there's actually a podcast. I keep forgetting. What's it called? I think it's ologies Have you heard it?
Chrissie: I haven't.
Iris: Yeah. Well, they have a two part series on ADHD. Changed my life recommend that to anyone who wants to understand ADHD for themselves or for their loved ones Ironically, I definitely do
Chrissie: I have two loved ones in my household with ADHD.
Iris: [00:42:00] they're, they're a little long, so it's good to pace ourselves. But the, it helped me understand my own condition so well. So that really is that piece of awareness of, you know, connecting with resources and experts with evidence base. It's just really helpful. It really helped me understand ADHD at my core. And part of how that's changed my life is I don't use, I don't need to use my medicine as often as I used to. Um, and I learned that always having fruit nearby. What has been a wonderful way for me to regulate my own dopamine as same as always remembering that I can play some specific music and give myself permission to dance to also regulate my own dopamine. [00:43:00]
And so I've started to become really, really playful with, um with regulating my body's energy throughout the day and moving away from this idea that I think I used to have that it's kind of like a steady stream. I'm Puerto Rican. I'm not a steady stream. We don't march, right? Salsa is about going forward and going backward and going sideways and twirling and dipping and skewing and I've really embraced the joy of movement of like dance. I don't know how and what other way to say it because it feels like very kind of woo for me metaphorically.
Um, where I kind of allowed myself to dance through the day, dance through my energy levels. Sometimes I'm a little bit more up, [00:44:00] sometimes I'm a little bit more down. Sometimes I'm standing on my desk or sitting down. Sometimes I'm rhyming with words. and it's been truly, truly It's magical for me to recognize that, I have the ability to, to know myself much better than I ever thought I could, and to use small resources like fruit or nuts that I can have on hand or my bed for a nap, um, throughout the day to like, it's like, I can, I know what I want. I know what my, my body knows what it needs and wants in that moment. And to really follow it. And then it feels like a dance. It feels to me like I'm dancing through the day and it's brought me a lot of joy.
Chrissie: I am so interested in, um, your clarity about [00:45:00] regulating your dopamine with fruit and dance and I am thinking about it in particular because my 11 year old has ADHD. We've been reading this lovely book thriving with ADHD for teens And you know, we've been learning about ADHD since she was 6 or 7. Um, even as a pediatrician, let me tell you, like, I thought I knew ADHD. I had no clue. I had no clue what there is to know about ADHD as a clinician in primary care for many, many years.
Side story. But my sweet, sweet girl. Um, is a fruit fanatic, and if she's not like opening the fridge to get at the fruit, then she's probably looking in the mirror and twerking. Okay, I'm sorry if I said that on my podcast. Don't ever listen to this, Isa. Um, but she moves her body joyfully, um, makes [00:46:00] silly faces, like she's regulating her dopamine, and I'm just feeling this, this frame sort of click in, uh, because we don't always think of our child's behavior as a wise, self regulating choice. Because it doesn't conform, right? Because it doesn't conform, or because it can be disruptive, or because it affects our nervous system in an uncomfortable way. Um, anyway, I'm just really, like, clinging onto this frame of you knowing that you're regulating your dopamine. Well,
Iris: I think that's a, it's a beautiful story, Chrissie because, um, right, you're speaking of these assumptions that I'm just going to keep bringing us back to this idea of balance. Where we have this assumption that balance means steady or put. And that if someone isn't steady or put, therefore they are not [00:47:00] regulated. Whereas, it might be more useful, don't quote me on this, it's a metaphor, I'm a poet, not a scientist, but my inner world is so tumultuous that for me balance is tumultuous. Right?
My brain and my mind and my heart and my everything is so wacky. I love that you used the word wacky earlier to describe Martha. Um, it's so wacky. I'm such a wacky person that to be in balance, it takes being wacky. And it is kind of weird because it's not something that a lot of people understand or that there's a lot of frame of reference for it. And yet I know so well now, thanks in part to being coached, thanks to resources [00:48:00] like therapy, resources like that podcast, all sorts of things. But at the end of the day, really it's just only something that I can know deeply within myself, that when I welcome My true, deep, intuitive wisdom of how to handle my own tumultuous, wacky nature, um, that I crush it.
Chrissie: Mm.
Iris: So that's what we're doing.
Chrissie: Crush it. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Yes. Mic drop right there. That's beautiful. Um, Iris, thanks so much for this conversation. It's been really fun getting to spend this time with you. I can't wait till we get to do it again. Um, what are your parting words? Like what, what is the, what is a tiny little put it in your [00:49:00] pocket takeaway that you might offer our listeners of Solving for Joy?
Iris: Well, first I want to say that you said party and I heard partying, um, but that's just because I'm me and of course I would hear that, but, um, I think I'll leave folks with a question. What are you trying to give yourself permission to do? And who are you trying to give yourself permission to be? What will it take to just give yourself permission?
Chrissie: Those are good and powerful questions. May they linger long. Yes. So good. A big hug to you, [00:50:00] Iris. Thank you so much for being with us. If you want to find Iris, uh, her work can be found at,
Iris: um, yeah, so you can find me at Abetter, um, so that's A B E T T O R.org
Chrissie: As in aid and a bet, aid and a bet. Have a beautiful day, be good to yourselves and one another, and keep solving for joy. See you next time.
Iris, Fernandez Valdez, everyone. What a force of nature, radical, wise, deeply compassionate. If today's conversation invited you to think differently about balance, belonging, or the ways we move through the world, you are not alone. Iris reminded us that joy and liberation aren't static. They're alive, ever shifting and made possible when we [00:51:00] stop asking for permission and start trusting our inner knowing. There is a better way and Iris is living proof.
If this did touch you today please give us a little rating. Give us a little review. Let us hear from you. You can also DM us on Instagram. We love hearing from you. We wanna know how this work affects you.
Next week, we are continuing this exploration with someone equally passionate about disrupting the status quo. My dear friend, Dr. Amna Shair Amna is a master certified coach, physician, and fierce advocate for mental health and medicine. But what really shines is her clarity around perfectionism. How it quietly shows up in high achievers, keeps us from resting, receiving help, or even connecting with joy. We're pulling back the curtain on ambition, burnout, and the cultural obsession with perfection.
If you've ever felt like you're doing everything right and still not feeling fulfilled, this one's for you. And for my physician coaching friends, if you've been thinking about coming [00:52:00] to the Physician Coaching Summit, now is the time to act. We announced last week that the first 20 paid registrants will receive a professional headshot at Savannah during the Physician Coaching Summit, and those spots are going fast. There's just a few left if you wanna take advantage of this amazing opportunity. To have a professional headshot that truly reflects your authentic, vibrant self in the best light, grab your ticket now before they're gone. And trust me, this year's speaker lineup is fire announcements on that coming soon. Check out our website and social media for all the details. It's November 6th to eighth in Carefree Arizona. Tickets are on sale now at the physician coaching summit.com.
And just as a quick note. I am a physician, but I'm not your physician. Nothing in this podcast should be construed as medical advice. The opinion shared here are my own, and those of my guests intended to inspire, not diagnose or treat. I tell people if I'm diagnosing or treating you, I you'll know it.
That said, if this conversation resonated with [00:53:00] you or you're feeling the weight of perfectionism, struggling to slow down, wondering how to create space for what truly matters, let's talk. You don't have to navigate it. This alone. I offer coaching for high achievers from many backgrounds who are ready to connect with their inner wisdom. Let's chat. You can reach out at Joy Point Solutions or check the links in the show notes.
And as always, deep gratitude to my incredible team. I could not do this without you. Producer Kelsey Vaughn, post-production, Alyssa Wilkes, operations, Denise Crane. Theme music by Dennis Kyshchuk, cook cover photography, Shelby Brakken. And special shout out to my sweet wife Sue Sanchez, my number one fan and the love of my life. Thank you all for tuning in. Keep choosing peace over perfection and may we all keep solving for joy. See you next time.
